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Geri
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 Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Also, condoms aren't that expensive, and I would be glad to buy 'em for my kid. I'd rather pay a few bucks to make sure they won't ruin their lives with an unwanted pregnancy - and they will ruin the life of the baby as well. |
Ehm... this isn't just about teenagers. Most guys even in their 20-40 years will just carelessly fuck every women in sight, without using condom. It is not just stupidity, it is an ultimate carelessness. They just don't give a shit about the kid and about the women after the "action".
I know so many "fatherless" kids...
It isn't funny.
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redslothx
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:00 am Post subject: |
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| slovach wrote: | | redslothx wrote: | | However, I am very, very, very, VERY against adoptions. |
why? |
I think it's more unethical than having an abortion.
First, you're abandoning a baby in it's most critical time period. Although plenty of kids get adopted, it usually takes years for some to be adopted. During those years, those kids are transfered from foster home to foster home. A good portion of the time, these kids are abused either by their care takers, or by their own orphan "friends".
A lack of trust develops when you don't have an actual caring parent figure in your life, especially when you're a baby and you're developing your emotional drives + your consciousness. This lack of trust and exposure to abuse is what eventually ends up in creating your "broken" humans(people with personality disorders).
Second point:
Even if we look at the bright side and focus on the chance that the kid might be adopted, these kids will grow up away from their biological family. Someday they'll grow up and question their past. Someday the family might bring a real son/daughter, and who gets put aside? The orphaned one.. Even if this doesn't happen, there will be a sense of separation from the fake family when the adopted kid learns that he's not really theirs. It's frustrating. There are good stories out there though. Couples can love an adopted child, they can make it trust them, and they can give them good lives too.
But then look at the poor families that end up with the broken kids. There are far too many horror stories about how adoptions have split families because they brought in an emotionless, manipulative thing into their home.
My third point, The biological parents.
There's emotional trauma on this end too. Mothers who actually put up their kids for adoption because they wanted to give them a better life will most likely end up feeling regret and guilt over the decision somewhere down the line. What happens when you gave up your son or daughter and suddenly become stable enough in life to have been capable of caring for them? What happens when later on after you gave your son or daughter up, you become pregnant in a stable relationship? How do you think these women feel knowing that they have a kid now, and another one in the distance facing who knows what?
In the end, Adopting kids is like playing russian roulette. You might get the sweet little baby who MIGHT grow attached to you. You might get the kid who actually wants a parent. You might get the ones that you can teach them to love you(If you can do this, I salute you). Or you might get the broken ones who will turn your life upside down because their biological parents turned theirs upside down from the start.
Look at the child's chances too.
They might spend years hopping from home to home. They might spend years being abused. They might spend years with a family who hates what they've adopted because of the damage. Or they might get a family who tries to care for them.
~
I respect your beliefs on life, but IMO, adoptions are much more unethical than abortions. At least with abortions, you aren't butchering a conscious life one experience at a time, you're just ending something from potentially becoming a human in an instant. Just because you "saved" their lives doesn't mean you're doing them any good by fucking it up when they're alive.
If you think abortions are unethical, then try to make the effort to love your kid instead; it's more rewarding than you'd think.
~~~~~
Related to topic [anti-abortions, anti-adoptions]:
I had an unplanned pregnancy. I was using a condom. Wife was taking pills(or so she thinks >.<), and then what happened? We were given Sophie. No regrets. Even if we didn't have the money to care for her, we wouldn't have given her up. Why? Because it costs NOTHING to love another person. I see it as a reward. We're both 20 years old, (19 during the pregnant years). We gave up a lot of time for Sophie, but it's not anything major. Wife put off school for a semester till Sophie can be left at a good day care. We both still go out every now and then when Claire's mom takes care of Sophie for a night. We both still have friends come over. Really the only thing that's changed is a new positive in the relationship.
Even if you scrape through life, loving and creating a good, positive trust bond with a baby has more value than being able to live in a stable environment. You can both endure a shit ton of trouble and get by in one piece if you learned to care. Just look at the whole world and all the poor families who keep their kids, but love them regardless of the inconveniences.
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hcavolsdsadgadsg
I'm a spammer
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:22 am Post subject: |
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| erm, you're clueless, sorry.
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redslothx
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:02 am Post subject: |
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| slovach wrote: | | erm, you're clueless, sorry. |
Read this:
Official AAP report on what I said on abuse and the effects of failed attachments: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;106/5/1145
Collection of cases regarding abuses in Foster Homes:
http://www.liftingtheveil.org/foster04.htm
More formal study, although similar as above:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=940DE3DF123DF937A3575AC0A96E948260
Overcrowding:
http://library.adoption.com/articles/childs-death-in-overcrowded-foster-home-highlights-statewide-problem-advocates-call-for-strike-force-to-investigate-overcrowding-and-abuse-by-foster-parents.html
Stories like these are more common than you'd think:
http://www.newsweek.com/2007/12/08/when-adoption-goes-wrong.html
A recent, more well known case is about that woman who adopted another kid from russia and ended up sending him back because he screwed up her life.
Voice of the adopted who got the short end of the stick:
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/child-abuse-in-foster-home.html
http://www.wikilaw3k.org/forum/Child-Adoption/Adoption-Sadness-and-Loneliness-321919.htm
http://forums.adoption.com/support-after-adoption/92513-i-wish-wasnt-like.html
~
If there's anything you'd like to say against this, I'd be more than happy to hear it out.
Honestly, I don't see why any kid should be placed through these conditions. It's illogical to expect them to develop normally if they don't have strong attachments. It's even more illogical to expect them to be normal if they spend the first years of their lives hopping from home to home and being taken care of by people who tend to not give a damn or are physically incapable of providing the necessary care.
Assuming they can provide the care, what happens when it's time for adoption? You're breaking this bond again.
This should be unethical.
But hey, the pro-lifers/anti-abortionists make unethical practices look pretty~
I really don't want to be seen as an authoritative figure here, but I've been in these places through work/internships and volunteer work at my school's psych departments. They're not pretty at all. Some homes are spectacular, some adoption stories are eye watering, some families make it work, and some families even dedicate their time and money to helping the broken kids, but I don't see how the crowd who tends to get swept under the rug justifies the pros of adoptions.
There are times where separating mother and child is the best thing to do. (Abusive cases and such) But even then, the damage is done. Don't add to the problem by thinking you can escape having a kid by putting it up for adoption.
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ipivb
Master Cheater
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Joined: 29 May 2010
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:21 am Post subject: |
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I don't think teens actually contribute to the problem that much. Surprisingly, they are actually somewhat careful most of the time.
The problem is young adults in their early 20's, who are starting to feel grown up, and feel like they need to grow up much quicker than they really do. So when they accidentally have a child, they think "oh hey, I'm actually an adult now, so maybe it's okay".
I never really saw that many pregnant girls in high school, but now that 5 years have passed... I see pregnancies left and right, by parents who clearly are financially and mentally unfit.
Also, in America we have something called Planned Parenthood. They offer free birth control, and free condoms. Unfortunately, the potential parents who are financially unfit to have a child, are also likely to not have a car. And it's rather hard and embarrassing to get a ride there, especially when they are too busy partying every day.
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Fantasy
I post too much
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Joined: 29 Jul 2007
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:14 am Post subject: |
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Here in Denmark we have a corp running around. It's called the "Night Owls". It's a huge community of parents that stay out all night on friday-saturday-sunday in all of the major cities, where they walk around in a special coat so you can always recognize them. it's all volunteers. They have free condoms and lolipops. You just gotta say hi to them and talk :b Or you could just plain ask them. I really like the idea, and it's working out great. And they're not just there because of sex and such, they're out there because they want to help to youth who's having a hard time, they're someone you can talk to about all your problems if you don't have parents that care. It's a great concept.
I know they have something similar in Norway.
Night Owls.dk translated
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